Don't be a dick Harmon Leon

Harmon Leon, don't be a dick.
Number one is a good example of windshield perspective. God forbid pedestrians react to a car creeping through the crosswalk. Oh and double god forbid if you are driving distracted while on your cell phone, then pedestrians will get really pissed. You know what? Go fuck yourself Harmon Leon. Then as far as the last item listed, I have never seen a driver caught up in a Critical Mass not get what they deserved. If I’m being threatened by a moving vehicle I’ll react accordingly. I don’t think a gob of spit or a death stare are even remotely as threatening as being intimidated by a car. Seriously go fuck yourself.

Dont Feed Me Whiskey After Midnight

It has come to my attention that I can be a total dick. Especially when I drink a little too much of the sweet sauce, Jameson. So I'm putting my ass on blast, I'M A TOTAL DICK BRO. Just like a little gremlin, don't feed me whiskey after midnight and if you see me drinking it, bum rush me and take it out of my hand.

Dude! Black Unicorns are Amazing!

Stop being dicks and get with the program, black unicorns are the most magical creatures created by man or at least the most magical creatures created by a man-child living in his parent's basement.

It was an enchanted San Francisco evening the night my roommate Dave and I birthed the idea of a black unicorn.

“His noble stature will only be enhanced by the puddle of moonlight he is standing in.” Dave mused.

“Yes Dave and the beads of dew that have gathered on his charcoal mane will shimmer and glisten in that moonlight.” I responded.

“Perhaps he has a tenderhearted elfin caretaker to brush out his mane at nightfall?” I quickly, breathlessly added.

Imaginations were flowing so quickly that not even the worlds biggest dream catcher would have been able harness them. Exhausted by ruminations of grandeur we both feel asleep that night dreaming of a better world, a black unicorn world.

I rose early the next morning, roused awake, by a gentle sun, visions of black unicorns of all kinds, were still parading through my thoughts. Those thoughts were quickly trampled as Dave rushed in, panicked and flustered.

“The internet! Go on the Internet and look up black unicorns!” He cried.

With the resolve of a thousand black unicorns, I steadied my trembling hands as I queried, “Black Unicorns.” Immediately images of unicorns resting, frolicking, eating, gazing into reflective pools and yes, being taken care of by tenderhearted elfin caretakers, were displayed on the screen before me.

“It can’t be true.” I said, the pain, audible in my voice.

“It is true, we were not the first to come up with the idea of black unicorns, it must have been some guy in his parents basement that came up with the idea first.” Dave told me as he gently laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

Our worlds were never the same after that day, but I like to think I’m a little less naive now, a little more secure too; knowing that people all over the world are creating spectacular visions of black unicorns.

Pic Credit: www.lorrainesworld.com/photo_album2.0.7.html

Cars can be real dicks

Today I chose to take BART over biking, I do this every now and then when I feel a Philz urge coming on. If you are reading this, stop, and get your ass down to Philz right now because their coffee is amazing! So I'm walking down 24th sipping on said amazing coffee, enjoying the sounds of a city waking up, dump trucks shaking off debris, Spanish a-flowing, spring birds chirping and cars a-honking, WAIT, I hate the sound of cars honking! Looking up to the right, I see a man trying to get around another man who's in the middle of  an impressive parallel parking maneuver. Anyway said honking driver screeches around parking dude straight towards me as I'm crossing the crosswalk! He slams on his brakes then proceeds to honk at me, I mean it makes sense, I was walking. Correct me if I'm wrong but I have heard that pedestrians exist in The City. To all honking, impatient, drivers, you're real dicks, no one likes you, get zen and stop being dicks bro.
Pic Credit: SFcitizen

Jesse James, what a dick bro.

Who cheats on Sandra Bullock? I mean come on!!! Jesse James, adulterating DICK BRO! Sandra you are better off without him, plus his tattoos are really kinda shitty. GRADE A DICK BRO!

Your tattoos aren't that cool

Living in SF I meet a ton of people and we are all connected in some way or another. This damn city is very incestuous, its one of its greatest downfalls. No matter who you meet, that person knows of you, about you, or at least 6 of your friends. Can't do shit to get away from it.

Then you meet that one person, who knows everyone, that one person that pops out of nowhere claiming to be best friends with people you have known for years, but where the hell did this person come from? Thinks they are coolest thing to come out since slice bread, but let me tell you something, "you aint shit. like somewhere along the lines of you think you're hot shit with your tattoos and ironic facial hair but you are a grade a dick bro." Please do us all a favor, get over yourself. I just put your ass on blast!

Paterson, don't be a dick bro

New York State Gov David Paterson is a real Grade A dick bro. He recently helped cover up domestic violence charges against a memeber of his staff, and his world of shit is only getting worse. He now claims HE was the one that leaked the story.

Paterson, DON'T BE A DICK BRO!